My own self

I've hit a wall. I find myself constantly having doubts, uneasiness, and becoming untrusting when it comes to many people. I see many different friendships turning for the worse without any of my consent. Why, I ask God. Why has he faced me with tribulations with many of my close friends? Why has he turned it for the worse when I did my best to keep it for the better? Why? I don't know. It's hard. I've only put myself out there for so many of my friends but, it turns out that they are so blind to ever see it. They have never seen how much effort and time I've put in it those relationships. They have never realized how much I care for each one of them. I'm not that friend who can take each of different people's evil remarks about me. I'm not the type of friend who can stand all the jokes you play out when in reality it's a bunch of shit that gets to me. I'm tired of these two friendships. Damn, I've never realized how many one-sided friendships I've had. The funny thing is, I still care for all those friends no matter what. I know God has put them into my life because they have or will change it for the better. However, I've hit the extent. Enough is enough. I have to take a stand to all of you. How can you two be so fucking heartless, tell me.